In case you missed the Super Bowl Prop Bet Preview or don't care about the game, but want to win money, click here. Someone named Fredo wrote in that he would like to see John Madden get back into broadcasting, so there could be an Over/Under on The amount of times John Madden circles something on the teleprompter. Let's go to the video:
Madden you Dog!
Or as Fredo wrote, "Seriously I would hammer the over right up until it was set at infinity, you know that muthafucka is coming in even if it's upwards of 36. We're talking Madden here- I mean the guy circled circles he had already drawn! Biggest no brainer going. What? You have to bet 200 to win 50 bucks? I'll still take the over and finance my first home on that bitch." Fair enough. Onto the Super Bowl...
I caught up with a friend of mine who goes by the moniker of "Boy Oracle". His whereabouts are somewhere in Brooklyn. I haven't seen him in 4 months since he rented a truck, put his drum kit in it with some clothes, and left Boston for NY. He emailed me with his Super Bowl winner. No big deal, but his reasoning nearly made me burst into flames.
Boy Oracle's Theory on Karma and the Super Bowl:
I feel like this Super Bowl is a great chance to test the theories of the Karmic Universe. That is to say, is the elusive theory of Karma a real phenomenon? Perfect case study here. We have a douchebag quarterback on the biggest stage of them all, the same year that he was outed as being a bigger scumbag than Charlie Sheen. If Karma truly exists there is no way he could possibly win another championship, therefore elevating him to the level of former golden boy Tom Brady.
I mean we aren't just talking like, "The Situation" level of douche here. We are talking more of "one of the perpetrators on a particularly horrid episode of Law & Order SVU" douche. We are talking about a guy who every father (with or without an 18 year-old daughter) in America would line up, for free, to kick in the nuts even if meant waiting outside in a blizzard for 16 hours- goddamn! We are talking about a guy who is such a douche that even Terry Bradshaw thinks is a douche. Terry Fucking Bradshaw doesn't like this guy?! That should say something.
I caught up with a friend of mine who goes by the moniker of "Boy Oracle". His whereabouts are somewhere in Brooklyn. I haven't seen him in 4 months since he rented a truck, put his drum kit in it with some clothes, and left Boston for NY. He emailed me with his Super Bowl winner. No big deal, but his reasoning nearly made me burst into flames.
Boy Oracle's Theory on Karma and the Super Bowl:
I feel like this Super Bowl is a great chance to test the theories of the Karmic Universe. That is to say, is the elusive theory of Karma a real phenomenon? Perfect case study here. We have a douchebag quarterback on the biggest stage of them all, the same year that he was outed as being a bigger scumbag than Charlie Sheen. If Karma truly exists there is no way he could possibly win another championship, therefore elevating him to the level of former golden boy Tom Brady.
I mean we aren't just talking like, "The Situation" level of douche here. We are talking more of "one of the perpetrators on a particularly horrid episode of Law & Order SVU" douche. We are talking about a guy who every father (with or without an 18 year-old daughter) in America would line up, for free, to kick in the nuts even if meant waiting outside in a blizzard for 16 hours- goddamn! We are talking about a guy who is such a douche that even Terry Bradshaw thinks is a douche. Terry Fucking Bradshaw doesn't like this guy?! That should say something.
[side note, I pictured Jon Gruden reading that last paragraph. "What I like about this guy right here...."] Sorry, back to the email...
I know what the cynics are thinking- but if Karma exists wouldn't the Steelers have had the winless season? Or at least have been snubbed from the playoffs? Wrong! There is no humiliation like the grand humiliation of public embarrasment. When the 2008 Detroit Lions went 0-16, how many stories were there? Most of us payed no attention to them- we felt bad for them. Even now I couldn't tell you more than 4 or 5 players on that roster- the team lived in virtual anonymity- and rightly so.
Contrast that to the 2007 Superbowl. People act like the New England Patriots were the worst team in the league that year when they were literally a minute, a miracle catch away from literally the greatest season of all time. Instead people act like that team blew worse than the winless Lions. You know a Jets fan would give their left nut to know what 18-1 feels like! Haters. Seriously though, that Superbowl may have been the straw that broke the dynasty's back. The Pats in the playoffs lost that swagger. Right up until the 07 Super Bowl, I never expected them to lose a playoff game. Now I can barely watch. It's painful. Their confidence is shot. That public humiliation, that public letdown is just downright bruising to the psyche.
All that being said, what better place for Big Ben Rapelisberger to suffer a monumental, karmic kick in the scrotum, than on national television in front of a gagillion people? We've seen him suck in the Super Bowl and the Steelers win before, but this time he needs to have the carpet yanked out from under him, he needs to eat crow, he needs to play so badly that not only can the steeler defense not carry the team, but that he is the proverbial goat who's horrible play is un-overcomeable. Yes I'm making up words now. Just call me Webster (or Bill Walton)...
This my friend could be a nationally televised test of the theories of the karmic universe... Epic.
Boy Oracle picks the Pack (-3) Aaron Rodgers does the "Title Belt" move all night.
One thing is confirmed. The weed in Brooklyn is fantastic.
Here are some hard numbers regarding the Steelers and Packers:
- Steelers have won 7 of the last 9 games against Packers, including the last 3 straight
- Steelers are 9-1 against the spread in their Last 10 Playoff Games
- Packers are the home team and opened as 2.5 point favorites, which directly violates Rule #8 in The Gambling Manifesto
- 70% of the country likes the Packers, Vegas doesn't lose
I hate backing the Steelers because my heart is with Bill Belichick, but those numbers are tough to go against. And you're getting 3 points? Maybe more if people jump on the favorite closer to kick-off, which happens during big games like the Super Bowl.
Sean picks the Steelers (+3) and feels so dirty about it that he rereads The Education of a Coach while holding rosary beads.
Would you really count the Pack as a "home team" for this game? Dallas seems a little far away from Wisconsin. If it was in GB it'd be at least 3, therefore you ain't violating shittttt.... except little boys in our elementary schools you perv!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat point on the Karma experiment shit. This will be the grandest of stages for this experiment to display its results. It will be interesting to see how this game/experiment plays out.
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