A Letter to Urban Liar

"But what I didn't want to have happen, and I made this clear to [Florida AD] Jeremy Foley, if I am able to go coach, I want to coach at one place, the University of Florida. It would be a travesty, it would be ridiculous to all of a sudden come back and get the feeling back, get the health back, feel good again and then all of a sudden go throw some other colors on my shirt and go coach? I don't want to do that. I have too much love for this University and these players and for what we've built." - Urban Meyer announcing his retirement on 12/8/2010



Dear Urban,

I'm glad you're feeling better healthier. It must have been those 11 months you spent with the family. That's why you walked away right?
I remember you saying, "I have ignored my health for years, but recent developments have forced me to re-evaluate my priorities of faith and family. I'm proud to be a part of the Gainesville community and the Gator Nation and I plan to remain in Gainesville and involved with the University of Florida." You promptly took a job at ESPN, criss-crossing the country and evaluating other football programs. How's the family anyway? Did you rent a van and show them the countryside like a new-school Clark Griswold? Did ESPN give you a bus like Madden so you could all stay together? I imagine it would be almost impossible to see them if you were bouncing back and forth between the road and [ESPN HQ in] Bristol, CT. I hope you didn't leave them in Gainesville, considering you said you'd stay "as long as they want me." I think time's up on that one. Be warned about Ohio State and Colombus, Ohio, though. They are coming off a pretty big scandal and haven't been punished yet. I know, I know, you're from Ohio. You've handled over 31 arrests while you were at Florida and when the NCAA punished USC, Bryant Gumbel said you should get the same punishment because "driving drunk, robbing a convenience store, and hitting your girlfriend are all worse offenses than dealing with an agent" You also had people focusing on Tim Tebow's image too. Well played, sir. That reminds me, you must be excited to coach [Ohio State QB] Braxton Miller. After all, you raved about him 10 months ago, even though he was ranked 80th out of 150. What did you know back then? It must just be coincidence, because you did say "A year ago in my mind I was done coaching." $26.4 Million dollars can change that. The contract is over six years Urban, and you have the family contract you obligated yourself to as well. You can't break either one. Remember, you said, "At the end of the day I'm very convinced that you are to be judged on how you are as a husband and as a father." You wouldn't want to be a hypocrite. By the way, what size sweater-vest are you?

Best of Luck, 
Fitz