The Worst Eight Teams in the NFL are listed below. Take advantage of their misfortune in the first 6-8 weeks of the season and build yourself a nice bankroll. I always feel like after week 6 the books get real sharp. It's dangerous to hang around after that, but if you get a good read on these teams early, you might be able to get some great value after week 6 when the books start giving these underdogs insane amounts of points.
Let's go through the failure alphabetically:
Even w/ a money last name
it'll be hard to win for Fitz
Buffalo Bills- No ownership, no money, no consistency, no coaches, barely any players, bad stadium, worse weather. Play in a division with the Patriots and Jets. Also play the NFC-East this year, meaning they could have a decent team and still lose 8 games with ease. They still haven't figured out that in order to have success in the NFL, you have to have a solid Quarterback. Fortunately for Bills fans, there are about 12 other teams that share their incompetence at fielding the position. Maybe the Bills "Suck to get [Andrew] Luck," throwing their season down the drain in an attempt to draft the #1 QB in college. While it might be hard to back a team you think "might win", it's fun to go against a team that you know are masters of futility. This team needs a new owner and new location to have success. I need a new house and I needed it yesterday. Let's start the insanity!
1st of many oblivious stares
while putting up 6.
For the other team.
Chicago Bears- Yeah, they were in the NFC title game last year, but they were 7-3 in games decided by less than 7 points too. Three of those wins came against teams who were forced to use their 3rd-string QB! This won't happen again. Jay Cutler was sixth in the league in interceptions with 16 and led the league by taking 52 sacks! At least 6 members of the D are going to be over 30 this year. They just picked up Patriots cast-off Brandon Merriweather b/c they have no depth in their scondary. OH! and the NFL took away Chicago's "Devin Hester playmaking ability" (25.4 yds a kick return) and field positioning by basically eliminating kick returns. It's ok Chicago, at least you'll have the weather.
Cincinnati Bengals- uh, it's Cincy? They're nicknamed the Bungals? Last time they drafted a QB, his name was Carson Palmer. He'd just won the Heisman Trophy for then-powerhouse USC. They didn't start him as a rookie because you don't start rookie QBs unless you're fucking desperate. This year, Cincy is starting rookie Andy Dalton because he went to TCU and didn't win the Heisman. At least they can lean on the run game and Cedric Benson, when he's not in jail. The proverbial jury is deciding when he'll be back. They didn't re-sign [DB] Jonathan Joseph because he was their best defensive player and costs money. Who needs the guy when your defense gets to the opposing QB on only 5% of passing plays? But they did extended [coach] Marvin Lewis' contract because his tenure has been so stellar there. Can I apply for the Cincinnati GM position after writing that paragraph?
Jacksonville Jaguars- Worse defense than Cincy's when it comes to getting to the QB (4.5%), have spent the last few years botching one draft after another, and have been worse in free agency. They gave up 2 draft picks to move up and overpay acquire QB Blaine Gabbert (see also: Andy Dalton, Cincy Bengals) to replace David Garrard, the only player (besides Maurice Jones-Drew) who performs with any type of consistency. I'm not saying he's in the upper echelon of QBs, but he completed 65% of his passes last year, which is a lot better than some of the other teams on this list. Didn't matter, the Jags said, "screw it" and cut Garrard (to save $9m) only to announce they will start......Luke McCown. Wait, what? The Jags were 8-8 last year, 5-2 in games decided by a touchdown or less, and one of those games was the "Hail Mary" catch as time expired. You have to go against them. It's science.
Miami Dolphins- Not a horrible team, but the NFL is a quarterback league. Notice a trend with all the aforementioned squads on the list? Well, Miami starts [QB] Chad Henne, who doesn't have the backfield of Ronnie Brown and "Sticky" Ricky Williams that he used to lean on. The Dolphins play the Patriots, Texans, Browns, Chargers, and Jets in the first five weeks. Their misfortune in the first 5 weeks could pay off the rest of your mortgage if the numbers are right. Then you could sell your house to [Dolphin's Coach] Tony Sparano. He'll be looking for a new one by then.
Seattle Seahawks- A team that made the playoffs last year with a losing record of 7-9 despite [statistically] playing the easiest schedule last year! They played two games within a touchdown or less, and won both of them. They also got outscored by 97 points in the other 14 games. Not a model of consistency. So corrupt savior coach Pete Carroll does what any coach would do, he rebuilds. Who he'd start the rebuilding process with in order to stabilize the birds? Quarterback Tavaris Jackson, of course! Nothing says winning like signing a guy who has 24 Touchdowns, 22 interceptions, looks to scramble at the first sign of pressure, and lost his job because his previous employers talked a retired, gray-bearded, pill-addicted, wrangler-hawking, sideline reporter-sexting attention whore to come play QB for the year. How'd that work out for you Minnesota?!?!?!?! (don't click that link if you like "brettfavre") Of course, Pete Carroll aka "California Clueless", might just be tanking the season on purpose in a attempt to draft Andrew Luck. That'd be stupid like a fox. Might as well cash in on it. I wouldn't be surprised if Pete were betting the games himself in an attempt to pay off USC so he could show his face around campus again.
Tennessee Titans- New head coach Mike Munchak has no coaching experience, not even as a coordinator (see also: Singletary, Mike "Can't do it!"). Offensive coordinator Chris Palmer is known throughout the league, unfortunately for the wrong reasons: his offensive schemes are terrible. They're starting Matt Hasselbeck at quarterback. The only thing funnier is the reasoning. Hasselbeck will serve as a mentor to [rookie QB] Jake Locker, a guy who has a cannon for an arm, except he doesn't know where the ball is going. That's a recipe for NFL success [see also: Russell, Jamarcus; Boller, Kyle; and Leaf, Ryan]
Washington Redskins- 12 games decided by less than a touchdown with a 6-6 record in those games. Unfortunately in the other four games, they were outscored by 81 points! Owner Daniel Snyder is still spending shitloads of money. On the wrong people. In a [NFC-East] division where the other three teams do it better and with a lot more consistency. 'Skins fans thought Donovan McNabb was bad? Ladies and Gentlemen of the greater DC area, welcome to the Rex Grossman era!
How do I feel about the start of the season? Press Play!
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