ESPN: The Worldwide Hype Machine

Still guilty of Frosted Tips

When the "Not Guilty" verdict was read in the Roger Clemens steroid trial last night, I barely looked at the TV. I didn't care. The government, once again, wasted American tax dollars looking like they had never prosecuted anyone with a decent defense lawyer. Clemens spent a portion of his career earnings to preserve his legacy and hopefully get into Cooperstown.

Since Congress began investigating sports, absolutely nothing has changed except the lawyers' income. 

Clemens, the pitcher that [former Red Sox GM] Dan Duquette said, "was in the twilight of his career" [when he traded Clemens to the Toronto Blue Jays] got older, and statistically better, joining only Barry Bonds in the 'fine wine' section of the Baseball Hall of Fame. A more appropriate name should be the 'whine cellar' after these two arrogant bastards acted like they were wrongfully charged, despite barely being able to fit a hat on over their watermelon-sized noggins.

The only reason I've made any of these personal judgements was because of ESPN: The Worldwide Leader in Sports Hype. Sportscenter showcased complete games by the aging 'Rocket' and 400-plus-foot bombs smacked into the San Francisco stratosphere by Bonds, all the while, remarking on the feasibility of the accomplishment without a hint of irony. 

...Don't forget to tune into Sunday Night Baseball, Inter-league play, as Roger Clemens and the Yankees go up against Barry Bonds and the Giants. Hopefully, neither one outgrows their hat during the course of the game. Only on ESPN...

Fast-forward almost a decade and ESPN leads the coverage of the trial. They interview (their legal 'expert') Lester Munson and he goes on some diatribe about how blind baseball is and how the facts clearly point to a certain verdict. Six weeks later he appears again to compliment the defense team and their strategy on a well-fought victory. 

The proverbial elephant remains standing in the Sportscenter studio. 

What better way to observe this phenomenon than with the NBA Finals.
ESPN spent years hyping LeBron James. They aired his high-school games on ESPN while I was still in college. My buddies skipped class to watch them. 

"Dude, this kid is nasty. He's averaged 30/12/12/5 this season and he still has 5 games left," they would say. 

"He's playing against 16 year-old midwestern white kids," was usually my response. 

Then it was leading Cleveland. After that is was getting over the hump. And then came 'The Decision'. After that it was the 'Yes We Did!' Heat introduction, in which nothing was accomplished other than selling tickets to see three guys wear the same uniform and, possibly, rival an 'NSYNC concert-opener in terms of fake steam production. 

Miami lost in the Finals to Ze Big German, Dirk and the Dallas Mavericks, guaranteeing an entire off-season of LeBron-hating by the network that so often pumps him up. 

That's what wrong with ESPN. They choose a story, hype it up, ram it down our collective throats, then pull an about face, ripping the subject or story apart if it doesn't develop the way they predicted. 

The more channels they procure, the more shows they can produce. The more shows they can produce, the more advertising dollars they can generate. The more dollars they can generate, the more talent they can hire away from competition. The more talent they hire, the more personalities they can control, until sports coverage becomes one homogenous, self-sustaining hype-machine. 

Put Tim Tebow in one end, manufacture a few stories about how much skill he possesses, highlight some comeback victories, analyze the hell out of him, wait for him to fall back to Earth, then criticize him for not living up to the hype ESPN originally created. All the while, get as many TV personalities to argue/yell at each other about every different angle of the story. 

Can anyone tell me which ESPN or Sportscenter has the actual game highlights from last night?