Happy Fourth

July Fourth Weekend falls somewhere between New Year’s Eve, St. Patrick’s Day, and Countryfest as the largest amateur drinking competition ever witnessed. I know this from both personal research in the field and behind the bar. I’m not shitting in the proverbial punch-bowl, I just don’t know where being a belligerently-drunk asshole falls in the Patriotism spectrum. In the quest for a memorable Fourth, one shouldn’t go into it with the intention of forgetting. If it happens, it happens, but save “winning the party” for campus. I’ll leave you with a quote from Mark Twain: “Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when they deserve it.” Try not to exercise your loyalty to the porcelain throne.

Tis the Season

Tough week for me as a Boston sports fan. Doc Rivers leaves the most historic basketball franchise to work for Donald Sterling, the Bruins choke away the Stanley Cup in less than a minute, and the Patriots' most ubiqutious offensive player looks like a homicidal maniac. I never thought John Lackey would be the highlight of my sports week (matched his career-high 12 Ks last night).

Beyond the aforementioned, the beginning of Summer marks the end of various sports coverage. I know, ESPN gave up on varied coverage years ago, but you get the gist: baseball, golf, and tennis is all we got.

The good news is you should be outside either enjoying the 8-weeks-of-perfection or trying/learning something new. Put the ball game on outside on the radio while your grilling for guests, work on lowering your handicap, or get in shape with someone on the tennis court. You're outside, learning something new, getting/staying in shape, being social, and the authentic tan is always a good look.

NBA Playoffs: 2 Months for 2 Minutes

Photo: kobebeef.com

10 years ago, David Stern decided to extend first-round playoff series' from five to seven games. The obvious addition of TV ad revenue dumbed down a maligned playoff system. If the casual fan didn’t need to watch an NBA game until the final two minutes, it certainly didn’t need to watch the Playoffs until the final couple games.

Last year, the Playoffs started on April 28 and ended on June 21st. The Heat beat the Thunder in 5 games. If the series wasn’t so one-sided, the playoffs would’ve taken over two months! Half the league makes the playoffs (16/32 teams) and it takes 82 games to decide the seeding? 10 years ago, the Heat, Bulls, Knicks, Thunder, Spurs, and Warriors would’ve already been in the second round. Boom, 33% of the playoff teams decided before the end of April and most NBA analysts chose the aforementioned before the season even started! With the exception of Derrick Rose’s injury to the Bulls, the previous teams either have depth or remained healthy a majority of the season.

The Bulls aren’t serious contenders without Rose just like the Celtics were never contenders without Rajon Rondo. The Lakers proposed starting five of Nash, Kobe, Ron Artest, The Llama, and Superbitch played SEVEN games together all season. Add to all of this the offseason movement of Jeremy Lin, James Harden, and the effect that it had on the Knicks and Thunder’s depth, the Miami Heat actually got better by the law of attrition (Judas Shuttlesworth also helped).

Russell Westbrook’s injury made the Thunder’s return trip to the Finals almost impossible. “Almost” because Kevin Durant is still special, but the West has come down to one series: Lob City versus Z-Bo and the Grizzlies. They’re tied at 2 games apiece while the Spurs watch after sweeping the Fakers. Considering the rest of the first round match-ups, wouldn’t a fifth game to decide it all between the Clippers and Griz be great? Instead, we wait for the Grizz to win two more while the Spurs veterans get their much-needed rest, waiting to face Golden State (educated guess).

Essentially, this is the 66-win Miami Heatles against the winner of the Grizzlies or Spurs. Miami got to rest its stars last month after their win streak came to an end. The Spurs get to rest their stars for about a week right now. I’ll see you in June for the final few minutes.

2013 NFL Draft: A Television vs. Twitter Tragedy

This year marks the 30th anniversary of, arguably, the greatest NFL draft class ever: 1983 for the liberal arts majors out there. Quarterbacks John Elway, Jim Kelly, and Dan Marino, along with running back Eric Dickerson, all went in the first round. Marino was selected 27th out of 28 picks! Since then, so much about the league has grown, with the NFL Draft becoming a microcosm for the league, its popularity, and financial prowess.

Vulcan death grip to those who question me!

Starting in 2010, the NFL moved its annual April weekend all-day broadcast to Thursday Night prime time (actually, a 7:30 broadcast start in 2010) because there was money to-be-made on behalf of the league and ESPN. The worldwide hype machine could dedicate hours of promotion leading up to its coverage and charge top dollar for ad space, much like the financial model for the Super Bowl. Last year, the NFL Network and ESPN shared 8.1 million viewers for their first-round coverage. It was the second-most-watched first-round in NFL history, up 16% from the year before. Part of that could be attributed to Andrew Luck and RG3, but with the NFL Network already broadcasting the NFL Combine, journalists and experts have enough football fodder to feed any addict’s appetite up until draft day. “Oh, it was an ingrown toenail that caused him to run a slow 40 at the combine! He’ll do better at his pro day. Nice! He’s passed his last eight drug tests, guess he’s changed those character issues. Maybe my team should draft him.”

Naturally, since both networks have thrived in the instant-information age, they're banning their journalists and NFL experts from tweeting or reporting a team’s pick before [commissioner] Rodger Goodell announces it on television. In addition to the twitter edict, both networks have agreed not to tip-off viewers by showing prospects on the phone prior to Goodell announcing the choice on television. (insert shitty Chris Berman sound effect) Wait, what?!